basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
