the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
