there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
