Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
love makes seman taste better
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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