You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
