this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
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