And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
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