all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Randomize
