last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Randomize
