Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Randomize
