she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
