I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Randomize
