Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
Randomize
