so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Randomize
