he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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