I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
