nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
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