My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
So much Jack, so little girl.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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