Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
