Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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