O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
