Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
