she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
You were trust falling into bushes
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Randomize
