I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Randomize
