I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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