He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Randomize
