time to smoke my breakfast
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
