I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize