I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
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