If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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