Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
