I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize
