Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Randomize
