he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
