how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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