I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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