This dress was meant to end up on your floor
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
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