if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
