I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
