He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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