Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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