Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
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