i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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