if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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