I cannot find my penis.
Non-Jews are for practice
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
