Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
No subtext here. People are naked.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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