He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
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