imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
