im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
