I smell stomach acid.
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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