I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
