you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
soo... how was my night?
Randomize
