she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
